I think in general, our desire when we pray is that God will answer as we ask, hope, and dream – which usually involves a YES answer.  If we ask for “A”, our hope and expectation is that God will answer “A”, and not “B” or “C.”  It’s what we expect from others when we ask them to do something – why should our prayers to God be any different.

The truth is, God knows what is best – we think we know, but we really only see our lives with a limited view.  God is God and knows all; in fact, the Bible teaches that He has “known” for eternity.  There is surety and comfort in that – even though a NO answer is hard, disappointing, and, in our human mind, the “wrong” answer.  I guess NO is sometimes the best and most appropriate answer – believing and resting in that is called faith and trust.

For about four years, we have prayed that God would lead us to our forever family – to become adoptive parents.  We’ve traveled various paths in this journey and have had many ups and downs, joys and sorrows, laughter, anguish, …a range of emotions in that time – all bathed in prayer, hope, surrender, and trust.  Through it all, we have really become a stronger and closer couple and have learned a lot about trusting in God’s providence.  Those close to us have rejoiced, comforted, and encouraged us on each of these paths and in each of these periods and we are so appreciative.

Toward the end of last year, we both felt that God was confirming in our hearts that He may have other plans for us – plans that didn’t necessarily involve our being parents.  It was a hard realization, but one that we separately and jointly came to hold.  God was saying no to adoption.

We always joke that I am the writer in the family; but Karen put is so eloquently yesterday when she sent a friend a message – one that drips with the faith and trust mentioned above:

“[We] are no longer searching for our forever family.  We feel that after almost 4 years of searching, and never being matched with the right children, God must surely have other plans for us.  We wanted to be parents in the worst way, but for some reason, this was not meant to be.  We are tired and felt it to be in our best interest to stop and start a new chapter in our lives.  We are heartbroken and we grieve, for our dreams of parenthood will not be; but we are excited to see what God has in store for us in this next chapter in our lives.”

Accepting a NO answer from God is hard.  Many may question our acceptance and trust in this…say we should keep on going, and that is OK.  Some may completely identify with us, and we appreciate that immensely.  For us, knowing and trusting that God has amazing plans for us – ones to prosper and not harm, ones to give hope and a future – makes this tough decision one in which we feel increasing peace.

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One final note:  We still believe in adoption.  As Christ-followers, we have been adopted ourselves (Ephesians 1:4-6).  In that adoption, we are called to “…love because He (God) first loved us.”  (1 John 4:19) and know that “Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction.”  (James 1:27).  We still have a part to play in adoption – the statistics are staggering and the need remains.  Our participation has simply changed.

“We put our hope in the LORD. He is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. Let your unfailing love surround us, LORD, for our hope is in you alone.”

Psalm 33:20-22

Amazing Hope Giver,

You are all knowing, all powerful, all sufficient,…You are perfect.

I know it.

I trust it.

Blessed be Your amazing name!

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In the world:

• There are 143 million orphans in our world. If all the orphans in the world were moved to the country of Mexico, Mexico’s population would more than double, growing from 108,700,000 to 251,700,000.
• 87.6 million orphans live in Asia.
• 43.4 million orphans live in Sub-Saharan Africa.
• There are as many orphaned and vulnerable children in Ethiopia as there are people in greater NYC.
• 12.4 million orphans live in Latin America and the Caribbean.
• Almost 1.5 million children live in public care in Central and Eastern Europe.

In the United States:

• More than 800,000 children pass through our country’s foster care system each year.
• There are over 500,000 children in our foster care system right now.
• 129,000 of those children are waiting to be adopted from foster care right now.
• Approximately, 25,000 children age out of the foster care system each year; many with no support system and little to no life skills.

How many children are adopted each year?

• Between 118,000 and 127,000 children have been adopted every year since 1987.
• More than 50 percent of all adoptions are handled by public agencies or come from countries outside the United States.
• More than one-third of Americans have seriously considered adopting, but no more than 2 percent have actually adopted.
• Only 4 percent of families with children (1.7 million households) contain adopted children.

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The sad part is that I may not have even read this if we were not in the process of adopting.

As a Christ-follower (and one who is adopted by God [Ephesians 1:4-6]), I am called to:

“…love because He (God) first loved us.” -1 John 4:19

I also know that:

“Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction.” – James 1:27

But still, I have done or thought very little about this until our own journey started a few years ago…

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We all must play a part in addressing these statistics – which actually represent precious children and teens whom God loves:

For some, it is actually adopting or fostering.

For others, it is partnering with a reputable organization or two that provide care.

Some may even give to or help someone in their own community, church, or family who is a foster/adoptive parent.

The key is to actually THINK about this and
DO SOMETHING.

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So, what will you do?

Statistics source: Together for Adoption.org

“A theory of attachment between children and their caregivers specifically addressing the behaviors and emotions that children direct toward familiar adults.”

The training dealt with how children attach to parents (biological and adoptive), hindrances to that attachment, and techniques to address the challenges.  It was really informative, especially as we prepare for the time when we have kids and seek to nurture and help them with the unique challenges they may face.  On the drive home, we talked about how any parent would benefit from this (and the other) training we’ve received.  We also talked about the rest of this post…

Here’s the thing.

As I sat in the classroom, absorbing the information and taking notes, my mind immediately began to see parallels to our relationship with God – our attachment to our Heavenly Father.  So much so that I, of course, wanted to post about it.  I share the things below as an encouragement and reminder for those who consider God as their Heavenly Father.

Before reading on, take a few minutes to read these passages:

Deuteronomy 31:8; Psalm 23; Psalm 61:2-4; Psalm 91:3-5; Psalm 139:1-16; Isaiah 49:15-16; Matthew 6:26

Information about attachment theory in children:

• “When I am close to my loved one I feel good, when I am far away I am anxious, sad, or lonely.”
• Attachment is mediated by looking, hearing, and holding.
• “When I am held, I feel warm, safe, and comforted.”
  
• Results in a relaxed state so that one can, again, begin to explore.
  

Secure or good attachment is best assessed in times of stress and when one is upset.

Children need both a:

• Secure Base: “Watch over me, Help me, enjoy life with me.”
• Secure Haven: “Protect me, comfort me, delight in me, organize my feelings.”

Insecure or Anxious Attachment is manifested in:

• Anxious about caregiver’s availability.
  
• Afraid that caregiver will be unresponsive or ineffective in providing comfort.

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If you don’t consider God as your Heavenly Father, the truth is that He is real.  He created you and loves you in a profound way that isn’t really explainable in human terms or understanding.  He is the perfect father – incomparable to any earthly father (the best or the worst).  Know that God loves you and gave His Son (Jesus) to pay the price for our sin.  He desires our…your “attachment”.

¹Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, ²because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. ³For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, ⁴in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.

But today, they hit me in the gut.

As Karen and I wait for phone calls, emails, snail mail,…whatever about our adoption process, tons of thoughts run through our minds.  Last week we were talking and the subject of sin and punishment came up.  Is/was there something hindering God answering our prayer for kids?  We know there isn’t, we know and live 1 John 1:9-10.  It was “the accuser” accusing.  [OK, I'm not saying we don't sin.  Speaking for myself, I identify with Paul's self-evaluation in 1 Timothy 1:15 ("...of whom I am the worst.")  Karen's human, so she sins...  ]

In those “accuser” instances, my mind always goes back to this passage in Romans – I say in those instances, because Satan always tries to throw those (and other) thoughts at Christ Followers.  None of us is squeaky clean, and guilt can be stifling.

Anyway, today…  Me getting hit in the gut…

I’m reading a book titled, “Adopted for Life” by Dr. Russell Moore.  It’s about adoption in human terms and also in spiritual terms.  This book is for everyone, not just people adopting.  Powerful stuff!

In a passage talking about feeling like God’s punishing you, Moore writes:

“Remember, we can’t bypass Jesus…  He is the One who bore the curse on our behalf, every bit of it (Gal. 3:13).  If you’ve believed in Christ, you are blessed, not cursed, whatever your situation.

…God is not punishing you.  If you are in Christ, your punishment was adsorbed in the body of a crucified Jesus.  God may be disciplining you, shaping you, and he often uses suffering to do so, but He isn’t punishing you.  He views you within the body of Christ, and loves and delights in you.  Whatever is happening in your life, nothing can separate you from the love of God in Christ (Rom. 8:31-39.)” [pg. 89-90]

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Pow. Thwack. Kapow.*

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Again, this is nothing new for me – I’ve heard and read this before.  …but I needed to hear it again.  I have to believe that I’m not the only one needing to hear this.

Thank you God! (take that satan!)

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*From the “you can find anything on the Internet”: I was trying to remember the punch sounds from Batman and stumbled on this site that cataloged all the sounds…by episode.  They are now offered by me for your future use and reference! [the fact that they are in Spanish shouldn't make a difference!]

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