A year ago today, my father-in-law and friend passed away.  We still wrestle with trying to understand how it happened so fast: a nice lunch and afternoon spent together, followed by a drive to the hospital on Sunday evening with concerns…and then he was gone on Wednesday morning.

His death certificate tells the “what” – nothing can tell the “why”…and that sucks.  It was too fast, with little to no interaction with him, as he was in a coma most of the time…even though he walked into the hospital himself.

The cherished memory – really one of the few gifts that mattered last Christmas – was the wonderful evening we were able to spend with him on Tuesday as he had regained consciousness.  My wife summed it up perfectly in a Facebook post yesterday:

A year ago tonight…you woke up…talked…kissed us…told us how much you loved us…
and then we said good night…

What she didn’t write was that we all laughed too – which was special.  We left him Tuesday night, so hopeful…then Wednesday came.

My father-in-law was a special man:  A very humble man.  A decorated, Korean War veteran.  A dedicated, 40+ year, Lockheed retiree with an impeccable work ethic and keen business sense.  A man who loved and revered God.  A husband, father, and friend who loved, led, and cared for those whom God had entrusted to him.

I’m was and still am angry about this whole thing.  All of it.  Just angry.

Come to think about it, I’m angry about the way in which both my fathers were tragically lost.  Again, with the “what” vs. “why” comparison…and the fact that it simply sucks.

It’s just a dark day.

Training Journal – 12/5/13:

• Current plan: ZRQL Marathon Training Plan – Taper Week 2 of 3
• Today’s session: 5-mile run
• Comments: Another chilly morning: 30° at run time.  I did 5.4 miles @ 7:56 avg pace, avg cadence 99 & a run time of 42:49. [Strava].  For the first time in five months, I ran in non-Hoka One One shoes (I know this ’cause I track these things!)  It felt pretty good to wear my Saucony Type A5s!
  

I spent most of my lunch looking through “mom pics” that I have on my various computers.

This one jumped out at me this time.

Maybe it’s the penetrating and loving stare.

Maybe it’s the understanding and supportive smile.

Maybe it’s the sense that her right hand seems ready to reach out and grab mine.

Maybe it’s the way she’s sitting such that she could either lean forward to listen closer or even stand up to hug.

For certain it’s that, after this was taken, she said, “I love you.”

There are probably many other things that made this particular “mom pic” jump out this time, I just need to stare longer.

Happy birthday, mom.  I miss you so much.

Training Journal – 10/24/13:

• Current plan: ZRQL Marathon Training Plan
• Today’s session: 6-mile run
• Comments: I did 6.3 miles @ 8:13 avg pace, avg cadence 96 & a run time of 51:30. [Strava]

I had the weirdest dream this morning…

Everyone from my family was at a park somewhere and up at the top of this grassy hill. I had walked down the hill for some reason and, when I looked back up toward everyone, my mom was starting to walk down what appeared to be the grass.

I started yelling out at her: “Mom, be careful! The grass is slippery! You’re going to fall!” “Wait for me to come and help you,” I shouted repeatedly.

Sure enough, she started slipping. Her arms were teetering in the air. I couldn’t see her feet, but she was at least keeping her balance as she slipped and wasn’t falling.

As I ran toward her, she came around the corner and was actually riding a skateboard!

She rolled up to me, bent down and picked up the skateboard, and said, “I’m OK, don’t worry!”

Two things: 1) My mom didn’t do skateboards, and 2) if she bravely did, she would have been yelling either, “RUUUDY, RUUUDY, RUUUDY!” (my dad’s name) or “DEENNNIS! DEENNNIS! DEENNNIS!” (mine).

I seriously got way too much sleep last night…

Training Journal – 9/7/13:

• Current plan: Foxy’s Fall Century Training Plan
• Today’s session: Rest
• Comments: Rest